Why Me?

Sometimes i wonder why things are happening to me...why me? If we are able to reverse that thinking, why not me? 

Why are things happening to me? I have a good job. I have a little money in my savings a roof over my head and why do I feel like everything is caving in?

I’m not really sure, I just don’t give up. One day at a time. I open up a book to read what is encouraging. I’ll go on a walk. And I’ll reach out to someone else that I know is struggling.

So why me why was I hit by a car and had three surgeries on my knee? Why did another car hit me and I lost consciousness and have an abrasion to my face and permanent brain damage? Why was I diagnosed with glaucoma in my 20s and I’m fighting for my vision and my 40s?

Why won’t my older daughter talk to me? They don’t mind getting gifts from me yet they don’t want to have a conversation with me.

I don’t want to make anyone feel guilty. My life is my life yet  for me personally, I ask why? I have done so much for other people. I don’t even wanna list it all, but I have countless people have better lives. I am so grateful that I was able to do that.

If you were wondering why things Happened to you I hope you can rest in God’s insurance that you were loved that you were fearfully made, and that you have a divine purpose for being here on earth. I wish you the very best.

I Lost my daughter to CWS

 Where do I even start? I had a really challenging pregnancy. I was nauseous the entire time through. I had gestational diabetes and no one to help me, but not just that. I kept my struggles from other people. I didn’t let them know that I was stuck in guilt , shame and remorse and Embarrassment that I was pregnant at an older age. My daughter was born healthy thank God, but she was also born very early and we stayed at UCSF and when I say we stayed at UCSF it was just the baby girl and me. I didn’t have any support. I had one family member visit one time But the rest of the time we were alone. It was hard. It was so so hard when I got home. I relapsed on alcohol, and Audrey was taken from me. I had multiple tries of getting her back, but I kept turning into alcohol to numb to not feel to be able to function to calm my arms, my soulmate, everything Ultimately I lost her 100% didn’t matter that she had a safe home that she had a bed that she had food that she love me. The department didn’t care about any of that. They also didn’t support me in my recovery. My parental rights were gone. I have family taking care of her, but even at that they barely like let me see her. Meanwhile, I work full-time for social services. And will do anything for my daughters. None of them seem grateful. I don’t have the option to have Audrey back in my life. My mom keeps her from me, which is very very sad so here I am a biological mom, not in touch with her baby girl, my heart goes out to every woman Who is a non-custodial parent who might feel like they want to end their life because honestly, I feel like that I wanna say almost every day stay strong know you’re not alone I’m here if you need me and I just pray that my daughter is adopted into an amazing and blessed family And perhaps one day I will have the opportunity to have her the relationship with her